The things we take for granted—this is beautifully written. But the idea of teaching yourself how to love—what does that even mean? To unlearn everything we’ve been taught about love and then rebuild it from scratch—what does that look like? And the questions that follow—what is this new thing we are learning? Is it better than what came before? So it begs the questions - does healing mean experiencing unconditional love?? Secure, consistent, compassionate, kind, healing? Is it possible to heal without experiencing what should have been experienced as a child?? How can we mimic something that we have not experienced...
Literature tells us that love always carries pain. The stories that capture our imagination aren’t about flowers, gentle breezes, or birdsong—they are about sacrifice, about a world that always seems to conspire against love and lovers. When I read Madam Bovary - I asked what is happening with her - she is looking for love, but cannot seem to see it when she has it. So then, what is this pain we feel? Is it not love itself? Thus, healing from it is immensely complicated. Maybe healing isn’t found in the process but in the outcomes - do we have loving outcomes? No matter the situation. Yet, the programming—the subconscious conditioning—runs deep as was noted. And unlearning must begin with awareness - awareness of ourselves.
But I imagine that’s where it gets difficult. It’s easy to feel like a victim, and in many ways, those who suffer had terrible things happen to them - none of those were their fault - so it almost feel safe - to given in to that identity. Yet, clinging to that identity also means surrendering agency—avoiding responsibility, avoiding awareness. And awareness is an active process—it demands that we take control, that we see, that we change.
This is all so hard. As I read through this, I feel the weight of it—the sheer difficulty of it. I wish the world were more empathetic, more compassionate. But it isn’t. And that lack of understanding, that inability to truly know love, only creates more suffering in the world. I apologize your writing creates a dialog - and I am thinking out loud. I learn about the world and suffering in it through your writing. Thank you for writing.
